Bring Me A Rock

One of the reasons I work – aside from the pleasure of a roof over my head and/or eating food that I have not found in the streets – is the analytical flexibility this “working” thing fosters.

I enjoy a good puzzle.

What would I be doing, after all, if I wasn’t wracking my brain trying to figure out what in the world was just said to me?

When I’m not translating some garbled, handwritten note into English or using my supernatural powers to get you direct flights every time you travel regardless of dates, length of time between the decision to travel and the actual date of travel or company policy regarding what constitutes reasonable and unreasonable fares, then I’m playing a game that I like to call “Bring Me A Rock”.

It goes a little something like this:

Boss: Hey, no rush, but if you could bring me a rock, that would be great.
Me: How soon do you need it?
Boss, looking at watch: Well, it’s 4:00 p.m. now. If I could have it in the next hour or so?
Me: OK.

Five minutes later:
Me: Got you a rock!
Boss, inspecting rock: Do you have a bigger one?

Five minutes later:
Me: Bigger rock!
Boss: Can you get it in gray?

And already I’m wising up, which is why I get the many benefits (ie, hourly pay and my own chair) that I do.

Me: Are there any other properties that you require in this rock?
Boss: No, no.

I don’t believe him, of course, but what can I do?

I depart the corner office, clutching my chest and pondering stress-related coronaries at work.

Five minutes later:
Me: Here it is! A fairly large, gray rock. Anything else?
Boss: Can you get five more of them? And if they could be in my hands by the end of the day, that would be great.

And that would be great, wouldn’t it?

As an old friend used to say, I’m going to get on that just as soon as I get back from Chicago…